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The question is whether you are going to be like James and continue to blame the opposite sex for everything. You don’t think there’s something wrong with you if you don’t know how to play the Mozart Clarinet Concerto right off the bat.Evan, how about a corny analogy here: It sounds like enrolling in dating coaching is a lot like learning to play an instrument. You find someone who is a good teacher (good coach) and learn techniques to make you a better musician. And so it should be with learning how to be effective in relationships. No one would attempt to be a clarinet teacher if they couldn’t play clarinet themselves.
The guy who called me today is completely different – and I had such an interesting phone call with him that I wanted to share it with you.I have heard this criticism before, with variations--"no deep friendships," "people form and dissolve relationships too easily," "you don't know if you can really trust people," and so forth. We go out for coffee together and chat about things. "You're not my friend," is tantamount to saying "You're my enemy." It took quite a while for her to overcome this misstep. To begin with, in a conversation Germans tend to be quite direct.She also described a misunderstanding with a co-worker, who referred to her as a friend. That's not friendship." The woman was offended--not surprisingly. (An American might joke that their words are so long that there is no time left to beat around the bush.) Where an American might say "From my point of view, I see it this way," a German might simply say "I think X." Direct speech can seem inconsiderate to Americans.The women he wants IGNORE him online, DON’T RETURN his calls after dates, and generally seem to want the PERFECT man. Now, between you and me, it doesn’t take a dating coach to diagnose what ails James. I asked James what he thought that I could do for him. ” “What I’m telling you, James, is that you’re the common denominator in your life.There isn’t a woman in the world who’d enjoy going out with a man who believes that ALL women are fickle and unfair. He mumbled something about helping him meet women who were different than the women he’s been dating. “I hate to tell you, my friend, but the problem isn’t with all the women in Seattle. And, logically, since I can’t change Seattle, or women, or Match.com, or anything else, the greatest shift is going to come in how you approach women, how you understand women, how you flirt with women, how you connect with women. That’s what yields the best, most long-lasting results.” James and I aren’t going to be working together. I can’t help someone who doesn’t truly want to understand, learn, and grow.And dating coaching isn’t telling you where the “quality” women hang out. And the not-so-subtle reason I shared this story with you is to ask you to reflect on whether you have anything in common with James. Are you frustrated that men don’t take the time to get to know you?
After 12 weeks of coaching with me, you know who’s going to be the same? As such, the ONLY thing we can do is change how YOU’RE approaching dating. ” James paused for a second, gritted his teeth, and said, “I don’t want to change very much. Do you get bent out of shape when men IGNORE you online, DON’T FOLLOW UP after dates, and generally seem to want the PERFECT woman?
This means that people who don't know one another can form groups to satisfy common needs.
In criticizing what she viewed as the superficiality of our friendships, the German woman also praised the existence of numerous informal groups--around hobbies, interests, work, self-improvement, religion, and so forth--that make it possible to meet new people.
They never want to TAKE THE TIME to get to know him as a human being.
They’re all looking for magical CHEMISTRY and trying to figure out within 5 minutes whether he’s their SOULMATE. And it’s normal to feel frustration when you can’t solve a problem.
I’ve got a great story that I want to share with you today.